Now that I’m “all weaned”:/news/2007/weaning/ and everything — and what with so many fresh babies busting out all over the place (hey-ho there, Caroline!) — I thought I should pass along my patented Tips on Eating for Babies, straight from the horse’s mouth. (Speaking of horses, I’m so hungry I could eat one!)
What are my credentials, you ask? Well, basically I’ve been eating now for about 18 months, so I’m pretty much of an expert, if I do say so myself. (My “eating”:/news/2006/catching-up-with-lucy/ “adventures”:/news/2007/yogurt-adventure/ “have”:/news/2007/its-my-birfday/ “been”:/news/2007/tough-cookie/ “extensively”:/news/2006/night-feedings/ “documented”:/news/2007/savories/ “here”:/news/2007/audio-yogurt-appreciation/, so you don’t have to take my word for it.) Also, Papa keeps telling me what an excellent eater I am, and of course you have to believe The Papa! Finally, with Mama’s outstanding cooking, plus skillful and thrifty shopping, I’ve got the very best “test kitchen” at my disposal for research. Who knew science could be so _yummy?!_
So without further ado, in no particular order, here are Lulu’s Tips on Eating for Babies:
* For some reason the big folks will keep strapping these bib things around your neck. Don’t be discouraged: do your best to work around it to get food directly on your clothes where it belongs.
* Babies, make sure that you daintily bite small food items (say, a single Cheerio) in half with your new teeth. But when served larger items, shove as many of them simultaneously — whole — into your mouth as (in)humanly possible. Extra credit: Also insert as many of your fingers into the oral cavity as you can.
* When you take a drink of water, gulp contentedly and then throw your bottle on the floor like a drunken sailor. No one will think it means you don’t wan’t more beer (er, water), they’ll just take it as an expression of your _joie de vivre._ This also works for bits of food, especially because later on you can crawl around, find the pieces, and eat them at your leisure.
* It can be surprisingly pleasant to smear food as evenly as possible over the entire surface of your high-chair tray. God gave you two hands, use ’em!
* Don’t let the grown-ups get in a rut. Keep them guessing by switching your favorite foods erratically, one day loving pizza (say) and the next spurning it. Don’t hide your distaste in the name of politeness, either. How else can you prepare them for your teen years?
* Little-known fact: Contrary to Newton’s Law, gravitation is _not_ universal. It’s up to us babies to share this finding with the scientific community, and here’s how you can help: Drop as many things from your high-chair as you can. We need a large data set, so repetition is the key. Don’t worry even if it’s something you want to eat: the grown-ups will keep picking it up and handing it back to you. (Now _that’s_ a universal law.)
* When Cheerios or any dried cereals are spread before you, pick them up as rapidly as possible and cram them in your mouth. Don’t let chewing or swallowing slow you down. It’s like a video game, and these are the power-jewels that will disappear if you don’t get to them in time. Also, grab them fast because you never know: they might scurry away.
* As “Nathan”:http://www.thelenzes.org/ “says”:/news/2007/audio-yogurt-appreciation/#comment-3584: “Mmm… yogurt! It’s like pudding that’s good for you.”
* Speaking of Nathan, he’s a veritable oracle of prandial truth: “Scones = giant cookies.”
* Adopt one or more characteristics of eating from your parents, it will charm their socks off. For instance, with no prompting whatsoever, I have taken to eating all the broken or warped Cheerios on the table first, before any of the normal ones, just like my Papa would. He thinks this is the bomb. I also swallow really loud, just like Mama.
* When you discover where the cookies are kept, do not pause, do not allow yourself to be distracted by your surroundings or your conscience: immediately pop one in your mouth. Repeat until apprehended. If you wait for someone to notice what you’re doing, they will.
* And don’t forget, kids: one of the easiest ways to become a member of the Clean Plate Club is to become a member of the Dirty Floor Club.
_Bon appetit!_
How true! I think Mo follows every last one of these. Even better is at grammy’s where the food is on reachable shelves. When he wants whatever it is, he grabs that package and signs please and more til fed.
I gave up on the bib, not only was it all over their clothes anyway, but even more with Kaia all over her hair. At least Lucy is leaving her lovely locks out of the eating.
is that a shout out to me? if so, i’m honored. perhaps there are other caroline’s having babies as well…
and i didn’t know you were having another one?!? yay!
Hey, Caroline! Sorry to say it, but I had little Baby Caroline M. (Ben’s new sister) in mind, just recently born. But of course I keep all the Mamas and Mamas-to-be in mind — so three cheers for you, too!
Thanks for the shoutout, Lulu!! Can’t wait to see you next Tuesday!
How do you know what power-jewels are?
Kriss, you’re a relentless fact-checker! But the explanation is simple: I’ve heard my Papa talking about playing Sonic the Hedgehog circa 1992 and how bad he was at remembering where all the power-jewels were hidden. I bet I’ll cream him once I perfect my fine-motor skills!
As we’ve just begun feeding Eli the pureed fruits/veggies and rice cereal, I recognize that “Lulu’s Tips on Eating for Babies” will invade the Lenz household sooner than we can comprehend. I give a mental sigh of relief in recognizing that we now have linoleum in the dinette/kitchen rather than carpet (as we did in the old house). Praise be!
I make a blog post and I don’t even notice! (I had even starred this one in my Google reader to read more carefully at a future date.)
Lulu, I’m very impressed that you can say “Brie.” Maybe someday (a long time from now) your papa will teach you how to say “Lagavulin.”