I’m the first to admit that I can be a bit compulsive about some things. For example, I probably don’t really need to brush my teeth four or five times a day, but I just love to have that minty-fresh feeling. So, you can imagine how 21-month-old Lucy feels about brushing her teeth these days. Or perhaps I should say, _not_ brushing her teeth.
p{color:gray}. Photo: Twenty-one months ago today, within two hours of birth — when she didn’t have any teeth to brush!
By the time Lucy was about 15 or 16 months old, she seemed to have enough teeth to warrant a toddler toothbrush. She even seemed to enjoy the sensation of getting a good cleaning. We instituted regular tooth-brushings before nap and before bedtime, mainly because I myself cannot fathom going to sleep without a good brushing. When Lucy started to protest a bit, there was always a little something I could do to make the process more palatable: using a bit of toddler toothpaste, sitting her on my lap and giving her something interesting to look at while I brushed her teeth, allowing her to brush her teeth on her own for a bit before I took over, or some similar trick.
But lately, our nearly-two-year-old has clamped her mouth shut on the whole system. We still go into the bathroom for the ritual twice a day (Lucy actually calls for it: “Brush! Brush!”), but the girl will not let me brush her teeth, nor will she brush them herself. I tried brushing my own teeth while she held her toothbrush, but she wasn’t taken with a desire to imitate. I tried asking her to “show me her big lion teeth,” but she caught on pretty quickly. I’ve tried “Harvey Karp’s”:http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553381431/octothorppres-20 trick of brushing her knee, her chin, her cheek, and then getting a few swipes at the dentition, but that’s out now too. I tried giving Lucy a toothbrush to hold while I brush with another, but now she wants to hold both of them. In fact, that is what our “toothbrushing” procedure has devolved into: Lucy holding two toothbrushes and sitting alternately on the bathroom stool and her potty chair, back and forth.
I am a bit mystified on how to proceed. It does raise some questions about our child-rearing philosophy. Generally, we like to give Lucy choices and independence when we can. There are some things she *must* do for safety (like holding my hand when crossing the street or not touching electrical outlets). There are some things Lucy *must* do to contribute to our family life systems (like not throwing food on the floor or not playing in the trash can). But this situation feels different. Lucy doesn’t strictly *need* to brush her teeth. As an individual, she can respectfully decline the whole tooth-brushing process, at least until she is a bit older and can participate in reasoned discussions. And, anyway, it is pretty impossible to force a toothbrush into anyone’s mouth (and who wants to do that?). She is simply exercising her autonomy, which I can respect. And, wonderfully, neither of us is upset with the process — we just go into the bathroom twice a day, experience a variety of persuasive techniques, and then go on our merry way.
But I feel like there must be a loophole somewhere, some new idea I haven’t thought of. Is she too young for sticker charts? Or should I show her how to brush her doll’s (non-existent) teeth? Or should we just give up for a week or so and try again later? As a dedicated tooth-brusher, this would be hard for me, but I’m willing to try it for the sake of Lucy’s future oral hygiene!
I asked this of my dentist when maddy went through the same thing and he said if you take a cotton swab and wipe her teeth clean with proxicide or paste that is good enough. Well she wouldn’t do that. So I went to putting a bit of paste on my finder and just getting it on the fronts of her teeth. But really the anti-tooth cleaning only lasted a few weeks and when I went to the ask her to do it, and ignore the results she willing started to brush again. And in the long run two weeks of no brushing is better than the fights…plus these aren’t the final set of teeth!! We also made sure she would see us doing it and not inviting her to do it when we do it and soon she wanted to do what we were doing (that is the good thing of being 2) and now she does my whole morning routine with me (or with dad) and this week it includes taking a shower after Brian and I take our shower….”Madelyn do it, self”. This to shall pass!
Here are a few ideas I thought of:
If Lucy has any toddler friends that like to brush their teeth, invite them over. Sometimes toddler peer pressure can work really well. (See Lucy, so and so is brushing her teeth).
Change the time of day you brush her teeth to right before something fun. For example, if you regularly go outside and play and that’s something Lucy enjoys, explain that you can’t go outside until teeth are brushed. The only caveat with this method is to make sure you are willing to follow through – if she still refuses, no outside.
Try the sticker chart. We did stickers for potty-training with Benjamin when he was around 22 – 23 months and it worked fairly well. He certainly got a kick out of the stickers.
Don’t try to brush her teeth for a few days or even just until she expresses an interest in it again (assuming that’s not a crazy long period of time).
Try teaching her something new and fun to go with the toothbrushing such as spitting in the sink (Benjamin loves to do that) or swishing water and spitting it out in the sink.
Toddlers can be very stubborn creatures and sometimes you just have to decide whether it is worth the fight or not. For example, for about the past 2 months all Benjamin ever wants to wear is his pajamas (“Benjamin wear Jammies!”). He throws a fit if you try to put anything else on him. I finally gave up and he goes around in his pajamas when we are at home, however, we do have a rule that to go anywhere (which he loves to do), he must wear clothes (which he puts on willingly with the promise of going somewhere). I just keep telling myself this will pass eventually!
Hey Ann – I thought of one more. This one is something I learned from Keri Middaugh actually – and that is to give them a “choice” about it by saying would you like to brush your teeth now or in 2 minutes (or something like that). When I use this technique with Benjamin we actually set a kitchen timer and then he knows when it beeps we’re going to do whatever had been agreed upon (usually go to the potty). I think it makes him feel like he’s in control so then he doesn’t fight it.
Josi is also anti-brushing. We’ve decided that oral hygiene is a battle worth fighting. So we’ve tried alot of coaxing methods that you’ve mentioned, many with temporary success. Lately, we’ve taken to asking her “are you going to brush the easy way, or the hard way?” The hard way is sad for everyone because it involves frantically brushing teeth while she lays on my lap crying. But many days she will actually say ‘easy way’ and willingly sit nicely for the brushing! Or having her look at a book and me sneak up behind her and nonchalantly brush her teeth also sometimes works.
Another trick that worked before Abi was won over to brushing: counting. We counted to 5 or 10 passes in each quadrant of the mouth. When that got boring, we counted in other languages. When we ran out of languages, we made up our own. The counting alone made for months of fun (and educational) brushing! Josi is not yet convinced of this technique.
If Lucy is as addicted to books as my girls are, you can look for some board or picture books on teeth, brushing, or going to the dentist to spark an interest. One of our favorites: Dr DeSoto.
Good luck!
I’ve just dropped the issue for a few days when my kids have decided to boycott brushing. It never lasts. Mo happily brushes most days, and on days when he refuses, I just let it drop. It’s generally just one brushing or two and then he’s back to it again.
Hey Keri – we use the counting too. Only instead of counting passes, we count mouth quadrants (so 1 for lower left, 2 for lower right, etc.) and then “eeeee” at the end to get the fronts of the teeth.
Thanks for all these tips! We are also figthing this battle with Christine. She gets her teeth on the early side, so I am paranoid about cavities. I heard that cavities in the baby teeth can infect the adult teeth underneath.
When do you even attempt to start flossing?
I have her drink a lot of water (from an open cup, not a sippy cup, so it washes over her teeth) and avoid a lot of juice & sticky, sweet food like raisins…
My dad was a dentist for 27 years, so we are into oral hygiene! While it’s important to instill healthy habits in kids and avoid cavities, he claims that cavities in baby teeth don’t harm the adult teeth underneath, assuming the cavities are treated. And we were taught that flossing is only necessary when two neighboring teeth touch each other. Abi (4 yrs old) only has 2 or 3 spots where her teeth touch, so those are the only places we floss her. Remember that tooth enamel is even stronger than bone, and normal baby teeth are especially strong. But you are right, limiting juice and other sugar is a good idea!
Yah, I agree with what everyone says.
Daniel’s been pretty much anti-brushing since he’s been, well, since he got his first tooth. There were days when I found myself ready to jam the toothbrush into his mouth and I had to think, “Whoa…it ain’t worth it.” So he goes a night without brushing. It doesn’t kill him. And I found that by the next day, he’s more compliant (usually).
Nowadays, however, he loves to brush, because afterwards, he gets to spit, and he is getting mighty creative with it. Mighty, mighty creative. So hang in there, Ann, ’cause this too shall pass.