Due date +2

This waiting part is way harder than I had expected. Last night, I had a good cry on Jon — not an unusual occurence, and definitely therapeutic. I think last night’s cry was the culmination of a grand variety of emotions:

* suspense. I am always on edge, asking what is happening in my body, and examining each twinge with the question “Is this it?” in my mind.
* anxiety. Besides wondering periodicially if Baby Girl is doing okay in there (which she is, taking from her constant and delightfully frolicking movements), I keep worrying that I’m not “working hard enough” to get the baby out. Should I be going for more walks? Drinking more raspberry leaf tea? Do I have unresolved feelings about motherhood that I need to talk about? When I’m not worrying, I think I’m probably doing everything just fine and Baby is going to come out in her own good time. But when I am worrying, then I worry about these things.
* fears about being prepared. I told Jon last night that I feel like I’ve been cramming for test that keeps getting postponed, and now I feel like I won’t remember all I’ve been studying! I don’t really think I’m going to be unprepared, but I am just ready to plunge in and take the test — all three parts: labor, delivery, and infant care.

Jon and I had a good talk last night, after my cry. We both feel like we have been frantically trying to wrap up various projects during this “extra time” we’ve been given, but we haven’t been taking a lot of time to rest and connect with God and ourselves.

This morning, noticing my grumpy countenance, Jon asked me, “What advice would you give to someone else in your position?” I thought I would say, a) it’s okay to be grumpy, b) ask God what he has for you in this situation. I think God is maybe giving me some time to just settle down before Baby arrives! I plan to take some time to rest and read today, and I might bake a chocolate cake. We’ll see what else God says!

6 Replies to “Due date +2”

  1. It must be hard waiting! Hang in there. At least things are progressing. Go Baby Girl! We can’t wait to meet you!

  2. I totally understand, Ann. And guess what, you are so normal we all go through that (except maybe those who have the baby way early). But the most wonderful thing is that God made you so that you will do exactly the right thing at the right time. The first women didn’t have books and they did just fine.
    I wanted to go natural and enjoy the labor, but baby had other ideas! And to this day I have complete breakdowns because I don’t remember the labor and I didn’t get to see her come out or hold her right away. But then God taps me on the shoulder and says, “daughter I gave you a gift, I trust you to raise her so take joy in today’s moments”.
    The waiting game will drive you crazy, but then when it is over you will wish to go back and do it again and again! Or at least I felt that way. There will also be so many trying emotions to come the weeks after baby to. I actually thought I didn’t love her. I was just really overwhelmed and tired. Then I felt like I didn’t know what to do, although I read thousands of books and naturally knew what to do. And the strangest thing was I just wanted my mom. But a wise woman of God came over and took my baby from me and held me and Maddy before God and lifted us in prayer. Then she assured me that God is in control and I was doing just fine.
    All this to say, it is okay to feel what you are feeling, it is okay to want to have your dream labor, it is okay if it doesn’t go as planned because God is in control.
    You are doing everything just right. Just sit in the arms of your father and enjoy.

  3. Ann– We will pray that you can stay encouraged and that baby will make her appearance in the right time and place with you in the right place emotionally. It is rough waiting. Isaiah was almost two weeks late and induced and it made birth without pain meds really hard for me. With Aidan (who was one day “late”) I walked into Swedish Covenant pushing and he was born twenty minutes later (I had been eating Persian food while in transition). With Ephraim I was without husband (he was already living in Arizona and Ephraim was born in our old Chicago home 10 days “early”) and God gave me extra grace and strength so that the labor did not even hurt until pushing and I was not afraid even though I thought without Matt’s flight in yet I would be. With Asher I decided I did not want my water to break in my bed and waddled alone to the potty when the midwives were not looking and he popped out on the toilet so fast I did not even know i was pushing, he was a few days “early” too. I don’t know why I posted all that, except to say that each of them comes whem they are precisely ready and you will be prepared and it will be UNIQUELY beautiful. My four boys are now drawing with markers all over their stomachs calling the figures “belly people.” Maybe we will turn it into intercessory prayer for your “belly person.” With lots of love, Tiffany Nixon

  4. Thanks, everyone, for all of your encouragement! I love the belly people praying for us, and it is so true about how I just need to trust God with all of this. Tiffany, it is great to hear from you! it has been a long time. I love hearing everyone’s birth and newborn stories and cheers — you are all so encouraging. :)

  5. Ann-

    I wasn’t fully aware of your struggles to carry a baby to term. Your ablity to seek the Lord and keep your eye on the PRIZE is inspiring. It speaks volumes of your love for Him and your trust in Him. Baby Girl is truly blessed to have such wonderful parents. The vison and application of rest is so restorative. You’re already such a great mommy by the way you are carrying for your body and reading up on all those mommy tricks. The exciting part is the end is in sight. We all wil be celebrating Baby Girl’s birthday..Soon.

    Blessing to all three of you,

    Dori (I need your address to drop off a baby gift to you)

  6. Dori, thanks for the encouragement! we are really excited that the end (and the begininning!) is in sight! :) I’ll email you my address.

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