Batman has the Joker. Superman has Lex Luthor. Jerry Seinfeld has Newman. The Boyds? We have Fordie and Gordie.
If you talk with Lucy and Rosie about crime, they’ll quickly bring up Fordie and Gordie. These are the names of the two ne’er-do-wells to whom our girls attribute pretty much all crime in Chicago. They have become our semi-fictional nemeses.
Photo: Lucy and the red Wahoo two years ago, June 20, 2009.
It all began last summer when Jon’s classic Gary Fisher bike (see photo) was stolen. He had parked it on campus, needing to leave it locked but outside overnight, and then discovered it was gone the next day. Lucy in particular was appalled that anyone could steal Papa’s bike and was passionate for justice on his behalf. Amid all our discussion of the theft, Lucy seemed compelled to give a name to the offender — and thus were born the infamous “Fordie and Gordie.” We have no idea how she came up with these particular names, but she was adamant. “It was Fordie and Gordie who did it!”
Let me hasten to say that we generally enjoy safety in our lovely Chicago neighborhood. But these two hoodlums — they’re shaking things up! Shockingly, Fordie and Gordie struck again just a few weeks after Papa’s theft — this time, stealing Mama’s bike right out of our (admittedly open) garage! We quickly bought some new locks to deter their freewheeling criminal behavior.
Not long after, Fordie and Gordie added another misdemeanor to their rap sheet. They lifted our awesome City of Chicago flag and its flagpole from our front porch. We keep hoping the proud symbol of our city will shame them into some soul-searching reform.
Things have been pretty quiet since then. Still, every once in awhile, we’ll catch a glimpse of them. Maybe they’ll be blowing through a red light in their car, or we’ll spot evidence of their criminal littering around the neighborhood, or perhaps even some graffiti on the “L.” They’re naughty, they’re unrepentant, and they’re sly — they’re Fordie and Gordie! Keep an eye peeled; they’re out there.
(Most recently, Lucy has proposed that we rename them “Spear Guy” and “Sword Guy,” but we’re not sure those monikers will stick — and we definitely have doubts as to the applicability of these new names. Let’s hope so, at any rate.)