One of my dearest hopes as a mother is that I would be a good listener. The best way is to start now by “reading” Lucy’s cries and expressions in order to be able to meet her needs well. However, this is easier said than done.
Lucy really doesn’t cry all that much, compared to some babies. But she does cry *loudly*. There’s enough scream in it you might as well call it “scrying.” As our friend “Brad”:http://bradfarris.com/ says, babies’ cries are specially tailored by God to inflict the maximum torment on their parents. So overall, Lucy is doing a great job. We definitely can tell when there’s a problem. But _which_ problem?
* Is she wet?
* Is she hungry? (again? already?)
* Is she tired?
* Is she “overtired”?
* Is she in pain?
* Does she have gas?
* Is she lonely?
For example, this morning Lucy missed her nap. Sad for both of us. So, after her next feeding, I figured she was just extra-tired and fussy. It took a long time to get this crying baby to sleep. When I finally did, I noticed that there was a wet spot soaked all the way through her swaddling blanket. Argh! I think she *was* tired, but her extra-fussiness was probably because she was wet. I missed it.
I try to resist feeling like a “bad mother” when I can’t read Lucy’s cries, but this is definitely a challenge. I really want to listen to her, understand what she is saying, and help her, if possible. But, it is a difficult task in these pre-language days. %{color:gray}Editor’s note: Did you know that the word _infant_ comes from the Latin for “unable to speak”?%
Car trips can be especially tough. Lucy is not as fussy in the car seat these days as she once was, but we can still count on some loud protests coming from the backseat through at least part of the journey. There really isn’t anything I can do to help her, especially if I am driving solo. My latest tactic is to encourage her. “Lucy, I’m putting you in the car seat right now, and so I need you to tell the world how much you dislike it. Okay? I’m counting on you to make a lot of noise!”
I’m really grateful that Lucy forgives me easily. She doesn’t hold a grudge when I miss her cue — she seems easily pleased when I do provide what she needs. (That ability to “move on” from discomfort or displeasure is an inspiration.) So, I’ll keep on trying to understand her, and she’ll keep correcting me. One of these days she’ll start to talk, and I bet we’ll have a terrific conversation about it all!
p{color:gray}. Photo: One possible cause of crying not listed above: the desire not to be photographed any more, dang it!
We all have those bad mother moments trust me! I have 2 really memorable ones: Kaia has a sippy cup with a removable plastic piece. Well I had pulled it out of the cupboard and thought the plastic piece looked a bit dirty and I wanted to wash it. When I pulled it out dirty dishwater fell out from the spout. I started bawling! Several times when she had just drank water, I’d run it through the dishwasher without removing the piece and just refill it. I’d been making her drink dirty dishwater!
Then another time we took her out to play and we stayed at our friends house until quite late. We got home and she was asleep. I put her to bed and reallized I should change her diaper. When I did it was filthy! I have no idea what time she’d pooped in it, but she’d been running around so long with a dirty diaper that she had a rash that took days to go away. I should have checked on her diaper, but forgot. Of course I have to remind myself that she’s old enough to tell me when she’s dirty, and didn’t, but I still feel horrible.
Mistakes are a part of parenting, and luckily like you said, kids don’t hold grudges.
Benjamin had gotten in the habit of waking up every night around 2am (after he had been consistently sleeping through the night for quite a while). We finally decided that we had had enough and gave him 30 minutes before checking him to see if he would go back to sleep. The first night he did with no problems. The next night, after 30 minutes we finally went in there only to discover that he’d gotten his leg stuck through the crib rails… Of course I felt awful! After that we would still give him 30 minutes, but would very quietly peek in to see if he was stuck or not.
Tysa, thanks for sharing your “bad” mommy stories. It is such a relief to hear that we all miss the trick sometimes! : )