Overall, things are going pretty well here with our new addition to the family: Rosie is a fabulous nurser, Lucy continues to enjoy hugging and kissing her, and everyone has been eating regular meals. We’ve even caught up with our laundry (quite a feat between Jon’s week out of town before delivery, our hospital stay, and a backlog even before Lucy had her bout with the “stomach virus”:/news/2008/help-for-barfy-barney/). But of course, successes don’t preclude a few crying jags here and there on the part of Mama.
p{color:gray}. Photo #1: Rosie looks pretty elated while still in the delivery room.
Between my naturally emotive nature and post-partum hormone changes, I find myself all over the map emotionally these days. Here are five things that set me off crying today:
# Exhaustion after a rough night with Rosie, who didn’t want to be put down at any point between midnight and 7am. (Jon and I took turns, but I find it hard to sleep with a baby on me.)
# Worrying about how I don’t handle exhaustion well — “everyone else seems to be able to do it!” Ha!
# Feeling guilty about letting Lucy watch too many They Might Be Giants videos (although _she_ certainly doesn’t mind).
# Sadness about losing my abundance of one-on-one time with Lucy.
# Disliking how easy it is to lose my patience with Lucy these days, even when she isn’t doing something naughty, just taking a long time with it (like dawdling while “brushing teeth”:/news/2008/oral-hygiene-impasse/).
But, on the flip side, I feel awesome sometimes, too! Here are five things that made me feel great today:
# “Oxytocin rushes”:/news/2006/milk-face/ during nursing. (Plus, my uterine cramping seems to have subsided!)
# Getting a shower.
# Sorting baby clothes with Rosie happily snoozing in the “sling”:/news/2006/ready-for-august/ during a visit from ““Aunt” Linda”:/news/2008/kay-kay.
# Stealing a few minutes today with Lucy to paint with “watercolors”:/news/2008/lucys-first-watercolor/ — what a treat!
# Writing this post _while Rosie nurses!_
p{color:gray}. Photo #2: Literally two seconds later, she looks a bit more glum. I guess we’re all going through some mood swings.
Right now, it seems pretty hard to handle two little ones. Already there have been three or four times when Jon and I are doing _simultaneous_ diaper changes! But we keep reminding ourselves that things will keep on changing, that we’ve only been back from the hospital for two days. It seems as if the advice in labor of “taking one contraction at a time” fits for life with a newborn, too. Stay in the present moment!
Ann,
I don’t remember these baby blues with my son Noah, now 11, but I had them big time with Phare, almost 10 months. No one told me to be prepared. I wish I had read this then, back in June, when I was literally sobbing all the time about the very things you are. I literally felt like someone was turning on my tear faucet and I had no control.
I can especially relate to the guilt over loss of one on one time. Noah had me for 11 years, 4 of which were just the two of us! I felt incredible guilt, and even wondered to myself in the constant new baby fog “Why did I do this to him?” As the oldest of 6, I kept telling myself that if I could deal with it he could!
You are a great mom, and again, I enjoy hearing about your life! Congratulations on your new little bean!
Rebekah
Ann – I was a mess after Ella was born too – having a newborn is difficult when it’s your first, but when it’s your second it just seems really hard to find anytime for yourself which I think compounds the emotions.
Ella had a really hard time sleeping alone when she first came home from the hospital – what we eventually figured out was that she was cold. We put more clothes on her, swaddled her tightly and then she slept a lot better. Sometimes it also helped to put her on her side – we would roll a receiving blanket and put it under her back to kind of prop her on her side – not so far that she could flip to her tummy, but enough that she felt more secure than on her back.
Ann,
You are not too far behind me…and the tears are still flowing. Mostly that I am way to short with Madelyn. I have made her “daddy’s girl” But then I miss our time. So just yesterday I spent the morning with her at school (her day care) while Lydia was asleep next to me, but covered up in her car seat. Maddy was so proud to show her friends her sister and even more that her MOM “That’s my mom” was at school with her doing craft and other tasks with all of them.
Like nicole we found that Lydia likes to be really warm and swaddled extremely tight with a pacifier (Maddy never had one, we had to go buy one just for her…now we have 5).
The hardest thing is that I keep dreaming of having another one RIGHT NOW…but knowing we are more than likely done. So I look at my girls and just cry and cry knowing “This is that last time that …. ”
But there are lots of good things too! Enjoy it, for it goes even faster the second time.
adjusting to two is rough. You can’t just nap when the baby naps, and you’re exhausted a lot. I cried about the sharing, cried about the pacifier-or-not, cried about the diapering, cried about how much I was crying, cried about the lack of sleep.
But I think all my kids were ultimately healthier for having to ‘share’ me – even though the transition was awful (and even more so going from two kids to two-plus-infant-twins… I really do hear you on the simultaneous diapering!) The first few months are the roughest… it does get easier.
And spring will be here soon; if you’re at all like me that will help a LOT! Six weeks postpartum recovery followed by a glorious spring and summer spent outdoors as much as we could – that’s an excellent way to settle in to having two. That’s what we did with the twins, born in April, and I liked it that way a lot!
The transition to two is much harder than two-to-three or three-to-four and so on. You really ARE giving up so much. It’s true, and tears are good. You’ll get super-good at taking care of two in no time, though, and all the chaos and joy filling up your life will smooth the edges off a lot of things, emotions included. The same way that relentless waves make sea glass. You’ll be so smooth!
There was a time when I had three in diapers. ‘Nuff said.
Hey did you watch “the happiest baby on the block” it gives great soothing techniques. If not let me know and I will try to discribe them to you. There might be a websit as well…not sure. I watched when at the hospital after Lydia was born and the techniques are easy and work well. I am also looking into geting Dunstan baby language, but not sure.
You’re doing just fine! The baby blues are awful, but at least they are short lived (and if not, they have zoloft which was my life saver).
One thing that helped me was I fed Mo and then gave him to daddy and Kaia and I went to the park. I was exhuasted, I was weepy, but the sunshine and fresh air helped me relax, Kaia played and we had time just for us girls.
Take care! Lucy will forgive you, that’s the best thing about kids unconditional love.
The hardest part for our transition to two kids was WAITING. Everyone now has to wait and we weren’t used to it. Waiting patiently is a good thing to learn in life, but babies and toddlers (even parents sometimes) aren’t convinced. I often used a phrase I picked up from a mother of twins: Next baby in line! Worked to soothe (me, at least) when doing back-to-back diaper changes, snacks, baths, hugs, whatever. No one told me that mothering young children would be So Much Work. Once I got my head around the fact that it IS draining, then I could stop being so surprised by how depleted I felt and start focusing on finding systems, strategies, and support. I also gave myself permission to operate on ‘survival only’ mode for a few months. No extra stuff. If my kids were bathed, fed, and hugged, I considered the day a success. Only gradually did we add other things that we normally enjoy (playdates, outings, projects). The days and nights may seem to last forever, but the months and years fly by. Try to savor even these trying early times.
Hi Boyd Family,
I was so excited to hear the news and I’m glad that all is going well. May God grant you peace to go along with the heaping portion of joy.
Brian Moss