I can tell that I’m starting to feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin these days. The first few weeks of Lucy’s out-of-womb experience have been quite an exciting ride, and I’ve felt a lot like I’m holding on for dear life. But here are a few signs that I’m starting to feel just like regular old Ann again:
# I baked a batch of cookies the other day.
This isn’t even about being a super-mom who bakes. Baking and cooking is just one of the things I *do*. I was a bit nervous about it. I even checked with Jon to see if the idea of baking while Lucy napped was too crazy. He encouraged it. :) Now we have a delicious batch of peanut butter chocolate chip bars, which I eat two at a time these days. I’m trying to take full advantage of the 500 extra calories that are burned daily while nursing. :)
# I’m seriously considering reading the Bible again.
It is a bit embarrassing that, as a professional campus minister, I haven’t been attending to my spiritual life as I’d like to. But, heck, I figured I just had a baby, and I spend a lot of time praying for Lucy to sleep anyway. :) I do miss connecting more deeply with God, though. So, this morning I decided to “journal”:http://annagram.org/extras/journaling.html again, which felt good. And I read through a hymn that I had printed out pre-birth with lofty expectations that I would sing to Lucy all the time. Reading through it was all I wanted to do at 5:30 am, though. I think I might actually break open the Bible tomorrow morning.
# I started to feel bored yesterday.
Frankly, boredom as a mother is a bit scary to me — I have images of turning into a soap-opera watching, bathrobe-clad, bonbon-eating floosy. But, after getting over that fear, I realized that boredom is a sign that I am ready for some new challenges. They might include trying out the “Fuzzi Bunz”:http://fuzzibunz.com/ diapers we borrowed, or giving Lucy a bath (this spooks us for some reason), or reading something new. I just started reading _The Nine Tailors_ by Dorothy Sayers, which Jon has been recommending to me for several years.
It feels good to feel good! The sunshine and warm weather don’t hurt either. Neither does the nap I had earlier this afternoon.
glad you’re feeling a bit better!
yes by all means take advantage of those extra 500 calories while you can! :o) woo hoo!
don’t feel bad about the quiet time thing. God is a new parent too and he loves Lucy just as much as you do. He understands that your world has been turned upside down. If you were living by the law, you’d be unclean and unable to be part of the community for 66 days… I think there are reasons besides health for that.
Your devotional time will be forever changed by being a parent. There will nearly always be a piece of you ‘on the clock’ knowing that Lucy will wake up at some point and need you (or, when she’s older, she will want to talk your ear off or have you play with her) – or when you told the babysitter you’d be back. Your thoughts will almost always be tied to what Lucy (and any future sibs) are doing and will be doing. Your interests are divided. That’s normal. You won’t go back to how it was before, you’ll move forward into something new – in your relationship with God as well as all your other relationships.
for me it helped to just include God on all my mental conversations, remembering that he was my Daddy as well as my child’s Daddy, and that he cared about (and understands) sleepless nights, that he made that little baby doing the hysterically cute stretches, etc.
fun to read about your journaling! So different than mine. I usually have to write to think coherently and not fall asleep or drift off topic, so I write for pages and pages.
As I’m, um, doing on your comments field. *ahem* sorry about that!
Kelly, thanks for the gracious words about quiet times and my relationship with God. I’ve been thinking that God probably has a lot of grace for me these days (and will continue to have grace as Lucy grows up), but it is nice to hear another mom validate my hunch.
And no apologies for your fabulous comments! I love reading your thoughts, and I know other people do too.
Ann, I agree with what Kelly said. Your quiet times will be different. I for one cant imagine giving one of my children up so that somebody else could live. But I can understand how intensely God loves us as His children.
In a prayer that some one prayed for me after Charles was born she said that sometimes I would have times of soaking with the Lord and sometimes it would be just splashing….I was encouraged to enjoy both. There are just times when I ache to do more journaling and be in the Word more….but I have had some of the most wonderful prayer times while nursing babies. A friend recently referred to that time as a portable prayer closet. I am thankful that God meets us were we are and gives us times of splashing and soaking. I also memorized scripture and hymns while nursing the boys….it was not that I was not spending time with God… it was just not in MY standard form. But after giving several quiet time talks to students I really did see that God is in the midst of all of those times.
The Nine Tailors is a great read. It was the first Dorothy Sayers that I read …while I was on bedrest with Alex and Joseph.
A book you may want to add to your list ( good for life transitions) is The Path of Lonlines by Elizabeth Elliot. And another quick read from IVP God’s Whisper in a Mother’s Chaos by Keri Wyatt Kent. And yet another…A Mother’s Heart by Jean Fleming…a Nav. staff worker. This may be encouraging for you but may also have gentle insights for shepherding little Lucy.
Andy right now is laughing at me as he changes a diaper and I am recommending books (usually something he does).
Pardon one more book recommendation. I read this about a year and a half ago but when you mentioned cooking I thought of this. A Thousand Days in Venice by Marlena Di Blasi. A fun book that hopefully wont want you yearning for the Veince, and open air markets too much. After all you do
have a baby!
Enjoy!
Nicole Wetzel
Nicole, thanks for all the book recommendations! I have been delighted to learn that I do have lots of time to read while nursing these days, so it is great to have a few more ideas on my list.
I love hearing how your devotional patterns changed as a mom. I have been reading through some hymns, and that has been good for me. I remember that once my spiritual director pointed out that “quiet times” aren’t actually in the Bible, and lots of people in the world aren’t literate, so reading the Bible isn’t the must-do spiritual activity that we often think it is (even though reading the Bible is a good thing!).
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