Yesterday, I ventured out of the house for the first time without bringing Lucy along. It felt really strange! I was only driving about a mile away to our local grocery store, but I was stressed the entire time. It is a weighty thing to be the sole source of food for a person; it really made me want to get home quickly.
When I did come home (after less than an hour), Jon was cozily typing away at his computer with Lucy asleep on him in the “BabyBjörn”:/news/2006/must-have-hardware/. (He is the best Papa!) I even had about twenty minutes before needing to feed her again. But I was still stressed.
Part of my anxiety, I realized later, was that I kept imagining taking Lucy with me to the grocery store. How does a person do that? What if Lucy started crying inconsolably? I’m not comfortable enough with nursing yet to feed her while I’m walking around the store. How do other moms do this?
I cried later with Jon, saying, “Other moms seem to be able to get it together so much better and faster than I am!” Jon gave me a reality check, pointing out that mothers of 16-day-old babies are not out grocery shopping and that just a few decades ago, women weren’t even coming home from the hospital until right about now. (He is also the best husband!)
I do feel a bit of pressure to return to some normal life activities, especially now that Lucy has passed the two-week mark. But yesterday’s outing taught me that it is okay to keep taking it slow. I don’t get stressed if I stick around the house, go for a walk sometimes, and am able to nurse in my favorite chair with a big glass of water next to me. And that is okay. I’m sure that in a few weeks, I’ll be more ready for outdoor adventures (and the weather will be nicer too!).
When Lucy started crying to eat after my return from the grocery store, I was surprised that I felt content. Instead thinking, “Oh boy, this is going to hurt to have her latch on,” I was thinking, “Oh goody! I know how to feed Lucy. This is a way that I can demonstrate my love for her.” Not that it doesn’t hurt to have her latch on, but I think the Enjoyment part of nursing is overriding the Pain part. Goody for me and Lucy!
Well Ann, I felt that it really took me a good 6 weeks to start to get adjusted with Benjamin – I remember at that point feeling like I was really beginning to “understand” him and know what he wanted most of the time. It took me a very long time to go to the grocery store with just him – probably 3 months. Until then we would either all 3 go (somehow, it was a less scary prospect with James there to help), or James would go on his way home from work. I have to say that nursing in the car was an excellent solution to feeding issues. I was never comfortable nursing him in public so I would either nurse him in the car, in the nursery (if we were at church), or in a dressing room (at the mall). It gets much easier once they are more predictable with their schedule – then you can try and plan outings such that they won’t conflict with eating times. But if you are out and about and Lucy wants to eat, it really isn’t too hard to find somewhere private to go, even if it’s your own car or a dressing room at the mall!
Nicole, that is such helpful perspective. It is hard to know sometimes what to expect from myself and Lucy in terms of regular activities. I think 6 weeks to get adjusted sounds totally reasonable, and it takes the pressure off for right now! Nursing in the car sounds smart. I have high hopes for being able to nurse discreetly in my Maya Wrap sling, but I don’t think we are ready for that yet.
with my first, I didn’t venture out of the house with baby without Daniel (except for walking around the yard) for about eight or ten weeks.
I was determined to do better (read: be more prideful and independent) with my 2nd, and went to the grocery store by myself at three weeks… and cramped up severely and started bleeding mightily, and quickly checked out and hobbled out the door. My nurse scolded me and said that it’s wise to lay low the first six weeks unless your body really FEELS like it needs more activity, and the reason your body is still bleeding for up to six weeks is to tell you that it’s still in the process of healing.
with the twins, though, I didn’t have a choice…. after about two weeks I had to walk to and from NICU from the hospitality house at least once a day (half a mile.) God was good. First few times I walked like an old woman, and took lots of breaks and pretended I was enjoying the scenery and fresh air. :o) It turned out to be good for me; I got back in shape a lot quicker… but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. I think it was purely God’s grace.
yup, I nursed in the car too – or in a dressing room. After the first 6-8 weeks you’ll get a feel for Lucy’s schedule and you can time your first solo trips for when she’s at her best (or least likely to scream.) For me it was nearly always just after a nap.
I think I only had one major scream episode during a shopping trip, and that was a one-hour drive to three spots in the Soo, no wonder he was screaming by the end! I simply don’t make those kinds of trips anymore. I do a lot of shopping online.
I’m convinced that my babies were usually happy when I was happy, and when I’d finally got the courage to make it out the door (WITH diaper bag, sippy cups, snacks for me, purse, wallet, sunglasses, sunscreen, etc) then I was happier than at home, and Baby was too.
WOW. I was pushed into getting “healed” fast! I had to return to classes and work at 2 wks (but I had stopped bleeding already). I was nursing in public, at the store and church. But I didn’t have a choice. But a lot of tears happened at home because it was stressful and I was really tired and overwhelmed. But at the same time I live with 75 pastors and around 30 mothers. So I had a huge support system. I even called them at 2 am so they would help me work though the pain of nursing. I can’t picture what will happen with the next one when we are running a church and social service agency by ourselves on top of having a toddler. But I trust that God gives us what we need when we need it and that we do what is right for us. No one can tell you when you are ready, but you do what you have to do when you need to do it. I guess that is what mommy hood is about.
Man, I can’t remember when I first took Evan to the grocery store with me. Our first big “nurse in public” outing was to Babies R Us, and I think he was probably 5 weeks old at that point. We nursed in their mothers’ room. Before then, I had only nursed him at our house and the doctor’s office. Since then, we’ve nursed in all sorts of places! :) But it took a while to feel comfortable — and discreet. I had to practice with a blanket (or Emmett had to be there to hold the blanket like a curtain while Evan and I got settled). The sling seems like a good idea; I want to try one with our next baby.
I also never nursed him while walking around (except at home). If we were out running errands, I’d just plan to stop somewhere for the nursing part. Eventually, I had a mental list of good places to nurse: Babies R Us, Ikea, certain stores’ dressing rooms, etc. Or we would try to eat lunch in a place that had comfy booths, so I could nurse him there. I wasn’t very comfortable nursing in the car (although I’ve done it several times). I always felt like I needed more space, somehow.
It is great to hear real-life stories from you all. Katrina, it sounds like your support system was key in getting back into the swing of things sooner. So far, I have nursed Lucy in two doctor’s offices, but that is it. Maybe when it is nice out, we’ll try the park so I can get used to nursing in public. Maybe Jon will come with me and hold up a curtain — good idea, Deborah! Kelly, that is really helpful to hear that your nurse said to listen to your body, and if you want to be more active, your body will tell you.
You are all such a comfort and encouragment to me! I’ve stayed inside all day and loved it. (Especially since the weather outside is nasty.)
One idea about nursing in public: to get the hang of doing it discreetly, you can practice in front of a mirror. Most parents who will see you will be glad you are meeting your baby’s needs and most non-parents will simply think you are holding a sleeping baby.
ARGH! Ann! THREE YEARS!!!! Remember? You and Jon keep reminding yourselves that *full* recovery from having a new baby (physical, mental, relationships of all kinds) takes THREE YEARS. We are in independence loving people in this culture… and hate feeling unproductive… it is a fight to give ourselves time and space to heal up and move ahead slowly. Kelli is right – unless otherwise required you should be very slow and easy with yourself for the first 6 weeks (a prime time to do a little too much a little too soon and pontentially through yourself back to an earlier healing stage)… your body, though you are feeling better, has much repairing to do. Like after a surgery. It it hard to take it slow… but it is important. I can’t remember who mentioned the cramping and bleeding which stirred up when they ventured out early… but that is not uncommon. Remember, an increase in bright red bleeding or a return of lochia which had previously stopped is our body’s way of saying, “Whoa! I am not there yet! Wait up!” Use your support – so many want to help. : ) And help me (Ina and others far more well versed than me) change the perception of recovery from childbirth – don’t be afraid to Stand Up for your right to Lay Down!!! You rock at this motherhood thing… be good to yourself!
P.S. All that was pretty much to say, “I am glad that you are feeling better about giving yourself permission to take it more slowly.” Sorry to blather.
Keri, I like the practicing in front of the mirror idea. Briliant!
Allison, you are totally right! I forgot that you had said that about full recovery taking three years, and I can see the truth in that now. It is good to be reminded of that, and to be encouraged to recline! No apologies necessary, you weren’t blathering. :)