Wednesday, I decided to take the day off from reading baby books. Some of them were really stressing me out. I was reading one of the _Baby Whisperer_ books just for fun the other day, but ended up feeling like Lucy is doing everything wrong because I can’t just shush-pat her to sleep in her crib; she needs to be bounced or jiggled or held to be able to nod off. So, Wednesday I experimented with just following my instincts.
And as you objective observers could probably guess, it worked really well! Lucy took two naps in her crib (during which Mama got to nap too, hooray!), and she slept in the sling for a cycle also. She missed at least one nap cycle, but she really didn’t look tired, and she slept well after she ate the next time. Our terrific friend Deborah came over last night to hold her while Jon and I slept, and then Lucy slept great after her 11:30 pm and 4:00 am feedings.
(Of course, Thursday was a different story, as Lucy had a couple of naps where she woke up every twenty minutes. Needless to say we are still learning about each other.)
I still want to read baby books, mostly to get more information and validate what I’m doing. But I get so nervous that I’m going to do something now that will instill a “bad habit” in Lucy and I’ll wake up one day with a two-year-old who doesn’t know how to put herself to sleep. But it sounds like we have some time before we need to worry about it. I certaintly wasn’t worried about her sleeping ability when she was still in the womb — so what’s another two or three months? She is learning a lot of other stuff these days, like how to eat and breathe and poop. So, I’ll try to not stress about it when Lucy needs a little jiggle to go to sleep. I am so thankful that she is able to sleep as well as she does!
My sister was a really big Ezzo person (her daughter is 4 months older than Alex and Joseph). Andy and I were much more in line with what Dr. Sears had to say. One night when the 4 of us parents were gathered together and all of our babies were sleeping we joked how these two men probably sat in the same room and wrote their books while consulting one another…just to drive new parents absolutely nutty!
I think I read every book on raising twins before Alex and Joseph were born…. do you dress them the same….or not….do they go to the same school or not…..are they on the same feeding schedule or not…. With Andy’s help we navigated parenting our first children as best we could. I have to admit that there are some things that I would do differently now…Like we were told by our DR.( not Minkus at the time) that we need to WAKE THEM every three hours…even at night (because they were so little(….That is not such a big issue but I ONLY fed them at 3,6,9,12 for the first couple of months…Crazy. Well when they were 5 months old my sister asked how they were sleeping at night….I told her I was still waking them up at 12am, 3am….Being 4months more experienced than I was she gently laughed and said that was not necessary. I should feed them if they woke up but not wake them if they had not. It made sense. But I had been so afraid that my little shavers would not grow.
I cant tell you how many times a day both then and now I would ask God for wisdom and direction …..I too need to be validated. I cant say that those nagging feelings always go away. But as I seek wisdom from the Lord I feel at peace that what I am doing is okay. It may not be what other parents are doing….but it is not sin and it is working for us.
Being the parent of four I feel more confident as well. I tell people now that Naomi is in bed with us when they ask how she sleeps at night. I never admitted that with Alex and Joseph….I did not want to seem like a nut case.
As I have walked through the sleeping issues God has given me friends who are gracious and offer encouragement whether or not we are doing the same parenting things.
A few weeks ago I took Naomi on a women’s retreat. She was just about 7 weeks old. I was so worried that there would be someone there who would not approve of some of things I was doing….feeding issues, sleep issues. But God is so good….one mom whose children are grown told me that she was a firm believer in nursing on demand. Her first child she nursed every two hours until she was six months old! This woman did not have a clue how she encouraged me. Another friend of mine, told me during dinner one night, that she had nursed all of her three children until they were three or older. What a blessing! It was a surprise because I had assumed that was not her style. All three children seem to be well adjusted and love the Lord.
The thing that Andy and I gleamed with Ezzo was the use of American sign language. It was great to teach all three boys thank you, drink, more,…we still use those signs in encouraging thank yous…
I guess all this blather is to say that the Lord will gvie you wisdom in your parenting. Each child is a little different and may respond to different things and your situation is unique to you. God created all three of you and knows intimately what you need…like how much sleep…I am sure that what you choose to do as God gives you wisdom will not lead to maladjustments later.
Parenting is truly a journey. I am glad we have the Lord to guide us through.
May all of you sleep sound in Jesus tonight.
Nicole Wetzel
It’s amazing how every child is different! With Kaia it was nurse on demand and her demand was always on. She rarely took a nap that wasn’t on someone, or in her swing. Putting her to bed at night was often ours, but also at times the crib and always done after she was asleep. Morgan is much more a BabyWise baby. He often eats more often than every 3 hours, but I don’t feed him just because he’s decided he wants to nurse. He seems to enjoy the schedule of eat, wake, sleep, and sleeps in his cradle next to our bed every night. Only joining us in bed for the early morning feeding on weekends, so that I can extend my sleep just an hour or so more.
You’ll find exactly what works for Lucy, and what you do won’t make her into a terrible two year old (they turn into terrible two year olds no matter what :) ). You have good instincts and with God as your guide in life, you wont go wrong.
Thanks, Tysa and Nicole! It is so encouraging to have seasoned moms cheering us on as we try to find our way with Lucy. My goal these days is to not take myself so *seriously* and try to enjoy being Lucy’s mom, not constantly judging myself!
I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. Thanks! For those who don’t know me, I’m a friend of Ann’s from NU, and I have an eight month old daughter named Marie. About parenting books – find a few that make you feel good about what you’re doing and go back to those over and over again. Ignore the ones that stress you out. The Dr. Sears books ( the Baby Book, Attachment Parenting) tend to give me confidence (seem to fit best with my way of following Christ as a mother). Whenever I start to feel like I’m “not doing it right” or at least “not the way my Mom or the neighbors did it” I open up one of them and end up relaxed and calm.
Marie can’t put herself to sleep yet (she screams if you even start to put her down when she’s sleepy, and has since day one :) ) But that’s OK! It works for us!
Carrie, I’m so glad to hear from you! I love your idea of finding a few books that fit with your style and continuing to refer to those. I know that an important part of my own journey is being able to have confidence in what I’m doing, and this strategy would definitely help. It sounds like you are being a great mom to Marie!