The other morning, I woke up early (to pee, of course), and was feeling grumpy about not being in labor yet. In my half-awake state, I got back in bed and decided to talk to Baby. I visualized three chairs: Baby in one, my body in another, and the placenta in the third. After spending some time explaining to them why it would be good to go into labor soon and my hopes for a non-medicated childbirth, I realized I just needed to let go. “Okay,” I said, “I’ll try to trust that you know when to get this thing started.”
I’ve been remembering lately that this isn’t about me. I can easily get so focused on feeling like I’m doing something wrong by not being in labor yet. But giving birth to a baby isn’t something I can control, and it isn’t about me anyway — it is about the baby. I told Jon this morning that I feel like I’m disappointing people by not being in labor yet. “No,” he said, “You are just making them wild with anticipation!” That was a nice way to think about it.
Here are some other things heard in our household these days:
* “What are you *doing* in there?” (spoken to baby in my belly)
* “Do you think she is really going to come out?”
* Ann: “I have a big belly.” Jon: “You do. It is temporary.”
* “BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY!!!!”
Here’s a practical update: Today, we have two appointments: one for an ultrasound to check baby’s amniotic fluid level, and another for a “non-stress test” to make sure baby has enough room. These routine tests are given twice a week to any woman who goes past her due date in order to make sure that the baby is still thriving. I’m really thankful for our great healthcare. It is hard to wait for baby, but it would be much harder to wait if risks to our baby weren’t being monitored closely.
Just remember that if for some reason you do need to be induced, it’s not the end of the world. And if you need the drugs, that’s okay too – it certainly doesn’t mean you “failed” or anything like that in your labor. I remember when they told me I needed to be induced (for low amniotic fluid when Benjamin was late), I was really worried because I had been determined to have a natural, medicine-free birth. Being induced didn’t allow me to do that (I ended up getting the epideral at 6 cm – Benjamin was born an hour later), but I really have no regrets about opting to take the drugs. They allowed me to relax and enjoy the birthing process I bit more. I was even with it enough to be able to see Benjamin born which was truly amazing! So however that baby ends up getting out of there, don’t worry – when it’s all over you will feel it was totally worth it even if it went nothing like you had “planned”. Love, Nicole
Nicole, I totally agree. I have all kinds of ideas about wanting a non-medicated birth, but the bottom line is having a healthy baby, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get that! I’ve heard lots of good stories (like yours!) of women who were really glad for the epidural, so I’m open to whatever God has for us. I just like to let him in on my plans, in case he is interested. :)
And here’s an update from my appointment: all is going well in Uterus-Land. Baby has plenty of amniotic fluid, her heartrate is good, and it goes up when she moves (which is what they want). So, we are good to go for several more days! Next midwife appointment is Monday. But maybe we’ll get the baby out before then! It is up to her, my body, and the placenta, I guess. And the Lord, of course. :)