<\/p>\nThe change of seasons is bringing back a lot of memories of my hugely pregnant self at this time last year. While I don’t miss feeling like a ballerina hippo, there is something I had when I was pregnant that is hard to get back now: the determination to take good care of myself. <\/p>\n
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I come from a long line of people-pleasers, and it is only in my adult life that I’ve gotten any good at all at paying attention to my needs. I’ve found that I need some regular disciplines to do this. In my early twenties, I got into the habit of taking regular retreats, scheduling fun time with friends, and even cleaning my apartment. (I’m quite messy by nature, but I’ve learned that having a tidy space helps me to feel tidy in my mind, too.) My “journaling”:http:\/\/annagram.org\/extras\/journaling.html habit has been really key in helping me listen to myself at least once every day.<\/p>\n
Disciplines help even for basic needs, like food. “Weight Watchers”:\/news\/2006\/shedding-the-extras\/ works so well for me because it helps me to ask the question, “Is this actually worth eating, either for taste or nourishment?” And if it isn’t, I don’t eat it! Way better than being a human garbage can or trying to soothe myself by eating a dozen cookies. Feeding myself well is most challenging when Jon is out of town; when he is home, cooking dinner is worth the trouble. If I’m eating alone, the menu is often a frozen dinner — which could be worse, but it certainly doesn’t make me feel like a million bucks.<\/p>\n
I’ve noticed lately that several of my self-care disciplines have evaporated since Lucy’s birth. Swimming, retreats, reading books, and most forms of alone time have taken a back-burner to caring for Lucy and spending time with Jon. It really helps that journaling only takes me about ten minutes a day, so I still do that. But I just don’t feel compelled to prioritize an hour at the coffee shop over an hour spent in our Boyds’ Nest.<\/p>\n
This is where I get confused. The truth is, I really *enjoy* taking care of my family. I am having such a blast with Lucy — going for walks with her, singing to her during diaper changes, snuggling her after she takes a tumble, explaining how to choose the best asparagus in the produce section (skinny stalks are the most tender). I love planning and cooking yummy, nourishing meals for Jon and me, lighting a candle and setting the table for a special dinner. I love cleaning up the kitchen at night, and I love sitting around with Jon and talking about our day. I love making our home a cozy and safe place for all of us to flourish in. A lot of these activities fall in this netherworld of caring for others *and* caring for myself. It’s only when Lucy is asleep and Jon is away that I think, “Now, what was it that I enjoy doing by myself for two hours? And what is interesting about me again?” Even the most joyful nurturing activities can leave a girl empty when all of her “nurturees” are away or asleep.<\/p>\n
When I was pregnant with Lucy, I discovered that it was really easy to identify my desires and take them seriously. Tired? Well, I’d better take a nap because the baby needs my extra energy. Hungry? I’ll make a chicken salad sandwich — gotta feed the baby! Need a backrub? I’ll ask for one — it’s important for the pregnant lady to be relaxed. Oh, and don’t forget to spend time reading about labor and drawing some “birth art”:\/news\/2006\/birthing-from-within-by-pam-england-rob-horowitz\/ — we are at our most creative when pregnant! Our culture really promotes this kind of pampering, which is one reason that miscarriage and infertility is so hard: it’s like missing out on the one chance women have to be princesses.<\/p>\n
Does all this say something about how I see myself? Am I only worth pampering if I’m taking care of another person by doing it?<\/p>\n
So, I’m wondering if there is a way that I can harness that pregnancy self-care drive and use it in my everyday life as a mom. Not that I want to sit around and eat bon-bons all day (although once in awhile that wouldn’t be too bad), but I would like to get better at knowing when I need to just put my feet up and read instead of vacuuming, or ask Jon to take care of Lucy for an hour or two while I visit a bookstore, or go to a yoga class, or take the time to “cook something”:\/news\/2006\/sushi-bowl\/ for my dinner if Jon is out.<\/p>\n
The hard part is that I want it both ways: I want to spend all of Lucy’s waking hours with her *and* I want to go to the gym. I want to spend an afternoon reading *and* I want to clean our house. I want to watch a movie with Jon *and* I want to go knit with my friends. With so many good options, how is a girl to choose? But even with all my soul-searching, I’m really conscious of how grateful I am that life is so full of good things right now.<\/p>\n
Alice, my spiritual director, always asks the question, “What is God’s invitation to you?” I love that question because it reminds me that I’m not on a quest for perfection, but on a journey of growth in which God helps me to take a few new steps every once in awhile. Perhaps the next few steps include some more time spent in creative pursuits, or maybe establishing a weekly swimming appointment. Whatever the road holds, I’m glad to be walking it while Jon and Lucy cheer me on!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The change of seasons is bringing back a lot of memories of my hugely pregnant self at this time last year. While I don’t miss feeling like a ballerina hippo, there is something I had when I was pregnant that is hard to get back now: the determination to take good care of myself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1114,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kids"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1113","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1113"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1113\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1114"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/boydsnest.org\/news\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}