Comments on: The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child by Alan E. Kazdin

By: Nicole

Nicole — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 00:27:40 +0000

Ann – we found that the sticker chart phased itself out, no problem. We had made one for Benjamin for bedtime behavior and it had 4 weeks worth of sticker spots. As we approached the end of the chart, I made a new chart but didn’t get around to printing it (James prints it at work where it can be printed in color). Anyway – a few days went by with no chart and he didn’t even seem to notice. He still stayed in bed just fine and didn’t ask for stickers in the morning.

After we came home from the hospital with Isabelle and he decided to start getting up at 5:45 in the morning, we got out the never used new chart and made it a “stay in bed until the light turns on” chart, so he now sleeps to a more reasonable 6:30.

In conjunction with the stickers, we do talk about how when he does what we ask it makes us happy and when he doesn’t, it makes us sad. I figure this is kind of a simple way of describing obedience to a toddler. Now when he does something he knows he’s supposed to do, like stay in bed or pick up his toys, etc. he’ll say “I made you happy?” and we’ll respond with “Yes, it makes us very happy when you obey.” I had a hard time at first with the rewards for similar reasons to you – it felt a bit like bribery to me. But in thinking more on it, I think it is difficult for a toddler to understand a vague concept like doing what is right or obedience. The rewards help to teach them what is right so that eventually the rewards aren’t necessary anymore.

By: Jo

Jo — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:30:36 +0000

When we discipline Abby we use the “full circle” method taught in a class at our church called Entrusted with a Child’s Heart. First, we talk about what she did wrong. Then we discuss what she should do next time. We ask her to apologize and we forgive her. Finally we pray and hug.

It was also hard for me to just tell her “you obey Mommy and Daddy just because” so I tend to talk about how obedience is how we show God that we love Him (I know, kind of abstract for a two-year-old), thus obeying Mommy and Daddy is a way that she shows us that she loves us (and God).

By: katrina

katrina — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:40:15 +0000

Thank you for the review, I think I would like that book, I might just go get it! I have read the happest toddler on the block and love it. It has helped us with some communication blocks. I find that when I am stressed Madelyn acts the worst (or I just can handle the behavior in a positive and so the neg. comes out and makes it worse).
We do however do a lot of talking about choices. One thing we have learned is that toddlers like to have a choice. You can wear this or this, you choose. You can have milk or water. … So we have extended that into our obersvation world. “Oh, madelyn look at the man on the motorcycle, what is he missing?” “a helmet” “do you think that is a good choice or a bad choice?” “bad” “why” “I don’t know….because he could get really hurt”. When I am driving we do a lot of the game “what do you observe” she loves it. We try to point out things that reflect people making choices so she develops the inner dialouge (sp?) and it seems to be working. She now points out when she made a good/poor choice. But we will see if it helps in the long run or just makes her judgemental of others :-0.