The worst nights have been when Ben woke up for some reason and I went in to him, only to just fall back asleep and have Caroline wake up and want to eat. I feel your pain, I really do!! Ben was doing some night waking, but it was a relatively short phase.

Re: lying down nursing — I would really try to take a day out with the intention of mastering it. It really does make a huge difference in how rested you feel, I think. Find a day when Jon isn’t working and can be on Lucy duty (or even better, take her out for a morning) and you work on trying to get Rosie latched on (obviously don’t do it when she’s screaming, etc). Try lying on your side and putting a pillow (or two) behind your back to give you some support. And try some different positions with her (under armpit? head on top of your arm? etc.) to figure out what works best for you guys. I normally have to cup my boob with the opposite hand to aim it towards Caroline’s mouth and then she can latch.

If that doesn’t work after giving it a good college try, then what Chris & I did was make it so that I was on Caroline duty and Chris was on Ben duty. He did all things pertaining to Ben in the first few months (until he went to work, at least) and I managed Caroline. We all were able to get good rest that way since Caroline slept next to me and I barely woke up when she’d nurse.

It will get easier. It’s just one more layer of dying to oneself. Hard to learn, even harder when you’re sleep-deprived!

Another thought that gives me confidence when Darel works long days: I’m the Mom. Meaning no one is going to swoop in and save the day. It’s up to me. And why shouldn’t it be? I’m the Mom. I’m the expert (however inept) on my kids and God will help me feed, soothe, teach them, even as he feeds, soothes, teaches me.

And it’s not Groundhog Day. You only have to live each day once. You always get another chance in the morning. Well, then, maybe it IS Groundhog Day. Whatever.

I’ve got my own take on all of this :) When Ramona was about Rosie’s age, I was always telling myself (and Andy!) that it was only a phase and that in a few months things would be much more managable and feel easier. When Ramona got sick we had to accept that we didn’t, and still don’t, have any idea when things will be “easy” and “better”. And my old attitude of just trying to get through every day? I had to discard that too, although I do often thank God aloud when I get them both in bed each night. Because this difficult time with Ramona is possibly our only time with Ramona, I try and not look ahead or back too much. I try to just acknowledge the things that are hard, celebrate the stuff that is easy and fun and just rest in the knowledge that for today I’m doing my best (usually).

I know your future with your babies is much more certain than ours with Ramona, but in a sense the Rosie and Lucy you have now are for a limited time only! I’m not saying “Oh, enjoy these times!”, I know how trite that can sometimes sound. I guess I’m saying that no one but God knows what is down the road for any of us and trying to just “get through” to sometime in the future when everything will be “better” hasn’t served me too well lately even though it used to be my bread and butter.

I’m rambling now, love you guys…

As I have followed your blog for the past 2 years I have enjoyed learning and growing with you as a new parent. There is a five year gap between Charles and Naomi….and then 17 months between Gwenna and Naomi. At 41 with 11 years of parenting under my belt, I often feel like a new parent all over again with the girls. Anyway, I have learned much from your friends here.

You and Jon bring a sense of fun to your parenting and I dont think that hard days and nights…or transitions to new grooves make you less successful. I am reminded of the verse in John that says that “in this world you will have tribulation but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.” I know that having babies may not be what John was talking about…but they really do undo us in ways we could never imagine. With each of my children I have been stretched in new ways. What seemed successful when Alex and Joseph were babies… like getting out every day for a walk in the blustry winds of Chicago in March…at times seems like an impossibility now. I often wonder if I will ever get a work out that lasts more that 15 minutes at a time again. You guys are a good team, your children are happy…and I hope that this does not seem trite but I am sure the Father is delighted by the pure joy you get from your children. And He rejoices over you in the same way.

With each of our children God has placed a hymn or two on my heart that I pray and sing over them often while nursing… With Naomi it was Great is thy Faithfulness…“Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow” I pray this for you, today,friends. You will get into a new groove. The dance has changed but I am sure that you will quickly learn the new steps along with Rosie and Lucy.

Ann you are right things get easier with each child but yes they also get harder…or perhaps more complicated. I have been finding that it is in the complications that I am brought to my knees, humbly seeking God for whatever is next. For wisdom in dealing with jealousy, wisdom and guidance in giving each child what they need from me. What my husband needs from me…I am thankful that God is faithful with new mercies every moment. Because, I know how short I fall. I also know that there are moments when I feel like I have been a good mom…we have all been in a good groove together….I have hugged those that need hugs, been patient when I wanted to scream…I do believe that God does walk through this parenting journey with us when we ask.

Remember too you just had a baby two weeks ago…those hormones will take awhile to settle down. Learn to say yes to help…and know what will help you. Would you rather take a nap while some one cleans for you….Do you need to get out? Can someone watch Rosie for a half an hour so that you can have a little date with Lucy? I think that post pardum help diminishes more quickly after a second baby because “people” think you kind of know how to do these things the second time around…but my gut and experience says that you need more help…more meals…because even though some things really are easier…some things have gotten harder.

Whew! Got to go….We will be in Chicago mid-April I would like to bring a meal that you can stick in your freezer…for a crazy day…Let me know if there is something in particular you would enjoy.

Nursing lying down: one thing that worked for me with twins was to lie on my back with pillows on either side of me; the babies laid essentially face-down with their heads on my ribcage and their bums and legs on the pillows – and then they popped off as they fell asleep, laying on their sides. With the other kids I lay on my side like Katrina suggested, but my back often did hurt. The only disadvantage to laying on your back is it’s hard to get re-covered up and warm without waking someone!

I remember crying often, with baby twins, that I could not take one more night of X, whatever X was: Mac’s apnea monitor squealing all night, having to give them both reflux medicine every three hours all night, changing the 3 am diapers, a spate of nightmares for the then 3-year-old, a spate of wetting beds by the then 5-year-old. By no means did I handle it with maturity and grace. I did my share of screaming, pouting, and crying. But when I genuinely brought it to God, I began to see how he rescued me, every time, when I truly needed it – someone coming by to watch kids so I could nap, or someone bringing a meal over, or one baby miraculously sleeping through the night… and sometimes He just truly gave me the strength to get through just one more night.

And really that’s all we’re called to do: “each day has enough trouble of its own”. Don’t worry about what life will or will not be like 3 months down the line… because it will be different. You will NOT go back to normal… you will go forward to something else – you will be someone else. And you’ll look back on your former self with a mixture of amusement, envy, relief and sadness – but you’ll be older and wiser – mostly in good ways, right ways.

All those parents with two children or more: they’ve learned to do it because they’ve had to do it. In some ways it’s just as simple as that. And the sleep deprivation? Your body really does get used to it, more or less. It gets easier as you settle into a rhythm — any rhythm. Now when my kids wake up at 3 am or 5 am, it’s much harder than when it was a regular routine.

I still have one who wakes regularly at 1 am and it’s my cue to put more wood in the woodstove. I’ve discovered if I have the attitude that a full night’s sleep is a gift and not a right, that I do much better. How many of our ancestors with rheumatism, or outdoor bathrooms, or mosquitoes, or savage natives lurking in the woods – how many of them really ever got a full night’s sleep? It’s a luxury, a privilege which was yours for 20+ years… and isn’t yours for awhile. Call it “good missionary training” – the wee hours can be good times to count blessings… and to beg God for grace and mercy.

Praying you’ll see God’s mercy and love for you in the midst of it all—

It seems to be a theme that older children wake up at night when a new baby comes home. Marie did this as well. It probably happened for a few months. My opinion is that it has a LOT to do with quality time spent with them. Anthony tries to take our girls on “dates” by themselves quite often (sometimes up to twice a week). I try to grab snippets of time to sit on the couch and hold them and read to them. In our house Anthony does bedtime so that he can spend that extra time with them at night to try to connect with them since he is gone all day, but we have found that sometimes, when they are feeling a little needy, it is helpful if we both do bedtime to give extra attention and make it seem like they are the most important thing in the world that both parents would stop everything to come put them to bed.

Also, do everything you can to get Lucy sleeping at the same time as Rosie and then go straight to bed yourself! I survive because I nap! : )

Lindsay

I really did find it easier the second time, but there were those rough times. I didn’t think it was the first 3 months, though. By week 3 we had settled into a fair routine. Kaia began to adjust, Mo figured out a schedule, and I was getting back into my groove.

I’m praying for you all!