It was just me, the long-haul truckers, the drunks — and the other dads with sleepless babies — out on the highway last night at 2:30 am.
First the good news. As Ann has “mentioned briefly”:/news/2006/to-pacify-or-not-to-pacify/, yesterday we had something of a breakthrough, it seems like. (Maybe it’s still too early to say, and we feel shy to be too optimistic, but….) Ann put two observations together in a new way, and it seemed to offer Lucy some extra peace:
* Diaper changing either before feeding or after feeding _both_ had their advantages — so how about changing her half-way through? (Thanks to those of you who have suggested that.)
* Are bouncing, walking, patting, etc. (the classic soothing techniques) sometimes actually over-stimulating for Lucy, rather than calming?
So Ann tried just gently hushing Lucy right after nursing, putting her down in a dim room with a white-noise machine on, even though she might still appear to be in “quiet alert” stage. Then we wait, hoping she finds sleep.
On the whole, this has seemed to suit Lucy’s needs! For two or more cycles yesterday, she fell asleep smoothly and rested well. (And so far this morning, she seems to be on her way again, though she did just give a little squawk that we hope doesn’t blossom into crying….)
But then there’s the bad news.
For whatever reason — and believe me, we mean “whatever,” since we have little idea what it is — Lucy’s nighttime nursing-napping cycles don’t work the same way. For two or three nights now, she’s more often than not simply never slept for one or more cycles. (That is, she fusses and cries until we realize three hours have passed and she’s probably just hungry again.) Some of these episodes have gotten her quite worked up, crying insistently, limbs flailing (whether in or out of swaddling), and just a heart-breaking display of angst in general. And nothing seems to calm her. It’s very hard.
So yesterday our friend Jay was over, and remarked, “Remember, if it comes to it, you can always take her for a drive.” We hadn’t ever felt like we’d come to that point — but last night about 2:30 we did. I suited her up, strapped her in, and headed for the highway. Within two minutes of leaving the garage, she was quiet, but since I couldn’t really see her face and didn’t want to lose the opportunity for a deep sleep, I just kept driving.
In the end, I hit two counties and logged almost 40 miles. We could go broke at this rate, with gas prices what they are. :) But Lucy was out like a light, Mama got some sound sleep while we were gone (and after), and I enjoyed the Chicago expressways in a way they almost never are: traffic-free.
This morning, we just let her sleep on and on. So she got maybe as much as six hours of sleep in one shot. She’s had a good feed now, and is napping again.
But it’s occurred to us: there are lactation consultants, but no sleep consultants! And isn’t the whole question of lactation really one of balance with sleep? She doesn’t wake herself up to feed really, so since we have been wanting to keep her weight climbing again (after quite a dip in the first week), we’ve been prioritizing the nursing by waking her up every 2.5 to 3 hours in a “flexible routine” approach. But we have questions:
* Should an 11-day-old be waking herself up to feed yet? If she’s not, what does that mean?
* If we let her sleep till her hunger prompts her, will that be too few feedings a day and she won’t gain the weight she needs?
Today we’re trying to find a baby swing to borrow so we can test whether she might be a swing-lover. They make cool models now that can rock in two different directions, so I sure wish I had one for myself!
Sigh. It’s hard not to know quite what to do.
Is Lucy comforted by a sling? Both of my babies love(d) it. They calmed and fell asleep within minutes of being snuggly and warm in a sling. Even dads can wear one. Then once she’s calm (or asleep), you could lay her down. Another thought about NOT waking babies up: if they sleep through some of their feeding times and don’t make them up, then the mom’s milk supply may be affected (diminish). Hopefully, the nighttime fussiness will soon subside. Remember, the first 3 months are often called the fourth trimester because really the little person is getting used to being on the outside of your body.
Excellent question, Keri! We’ve got a couple slings on loan, but because we don’t really know how to load her in, we’re unsure that we’re not creating life-long back problems for Lucy when we stick her into it. :) But we’ve got a call in with a church friend of ours who’s a slingologist, so hopefully we’ll get some training soon.
You can also check out the web, look up the maker of the sling and they often have how-to pages. In Dr. Sears book “The Baby Book” there is a whole section on “wearing your baby”. Ann can even learn to nurse with Lucy in the sling.
The stroller is cheeper than the car and you don’t always have to leave the house…you can put her and and wheel her back and forth while you sit or even pace the house.
Every baby drops weight at birth, but Keri is right about milk supply, the more she nurses/pumps the more ann will make and vis versa (spelling? hum).
If you ever really need some sleep there are also a lot of your friends that will come do a night shift and let you two sleep, don’t be afraid to ask.
-katrina
Hi guys – Benjamin did the exact same thing as Lucy – there were so many nights when he would just be up (and screaming) for a few hours at a time. We tried several things including mylicon drops for gas and various soothing techniques. I don’t know that we ever found a technique that “solved” the problem – I think it’s just something he outgrew. I was just talking to James about it and we can’t even remember how long it lasted, but I’m pretty sure it was less than 6 weeks. The key to coping with it for us anyway, was taking turns. Even after James went back to work (when Benjamin was 2 weeks old), he would still get up at night with him if he was having a particularly fussy time and just wouldn’t go back to sleep.
I wouldn’t wish nighttime fussiness on anyone, but it sure is helpful to hear that other people have been through it and lived to tell the tale. :) Last night was actually really great. I’ve decided to nurse Lucy more during her fussy times, which (hopefully) has the added benefit of helping her gain weight and increasing my milk supply. It is so hard to have to wake her up after we worked so hard to get her to sleep! But I know it is for the greater good.
We just tried the sling yesterday — she loved it in the afternoon (as did Mama — we went for a nice walk and it made me feel more human), but then wasn’t crazy about it during the nighttime fussy period. Oh well, we’ll keep trying it, and at least I’m enjoying it!
Do you wake Lucy up at night to eat too, or just during the day? I talked to a lactation consultant here, back when I had Benjamin, and they said that as long as he was eating every 2 – 3 hours during the day, there was no need to wake him at night to eat.
Also – did you know that it takes 2 hours for your breasts to refill after a feeding? Certainly you can nurse the baby more frequently than that, but she won’t be getting the full supply and will be hungry again sooner than if you waited 2 hours.
We let Lucy go for one or sometimes two extra-long stretches during the night, up to five hours. This seems to be working well. And we agree about the two-hour turnaround: Ann’s nursed Lucy on a shorter cycle only when she seemed to demand it vigorously. (And actually, _my_ breasts take considerably longer to fill back up. :)
My mom used to drive me around to get me to sleep too! Now days, I still have a hard time staying awake on a car trip. Just ask Nathan. ; )
I think it sounds smart to just let Lucy sleep at night, but since we are still a bit worried about her weight gain we make sure to wake her after five hours. But I’m encouraged to hear your story, Nicole. We’ll ask our pediatrician about that idea next week. Hopefully, we’ll be able to let Lucy sleep for a good long stretch if her weight gain has picked up! Oh, and I haven’t nursed more frequently than every 2 hours — even if I wanted to, I don’t think my nipples could handle it at this point.
Kelli, that is funny about you sleeping in the car! maybe Lucy will be a car-napper forever, too. :)
JON!!! I just noticed you lost your soup catcher?!?!? Was it too tickly for Ms. Lucy? : )
Ha! Thanks for noticing. Actually, Lucy did have a little to do with it — but it was more Ann’s recommendation that the beard be a seasonal (rather than all-time) thing. So late in March, I decided that it would come off either on baseball’s Opening Day (which “my brother and I celebrate”:http://firstpitch.org/ each year) or upon Lucy’s birth, whichever came first. Baseball beat her by over three weeks. :)