Yesterday, I ran into my friend Marijean from “church”:http://gracechurchchicago.org on my way to Target. We talked briefly about the main topic in my life: “When is the baby going to come out???” She said something offhand that really encouraged me: “It is better for the baby to come out when she is ready, because then she is much better at nursing and everything works out great.” I hadn’t thought about it quite in this way, that Baby is growing and developing in a safe environment and she’ll know when she feels ready to emerge.
I read part of a terrific book yesterday morning: “_Whole Child/Whole Parent_”:http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060928182/octothorppres-20, by Polly Berends. (I need to write a review of it, but I really want to finish it first!) She writes about our identity as parents and how quickly we can get wrapped up in ourselves and our performance instead of focusing on simply loving the child. It made me think about how much I love our little girl already, and how eager I am to meet her and express my love for her in new ways. But, like Marijean reminded me, if the best place for her right now is in my womb, then I should just let her be!
When I feel especially impatient (in a grumpy, not eager way), part of my drive for wanting her to be born is my desire to do my “Mommy Show.” I’ve learned all of these new tricks, I’ve read lots of books, and now I want to try out my new role! Watch me! I can do it! With my history of performance-orientation, this is probably something that I’ll never quite be able to get away from. But God is gracious, and I think he will keep on gently reminding me that life isn’t all about me, even though I get to participate with him in it. And he lets me enjoy performing in my own show every once in awhile, too.
Just look at how much fun I’m having writing for you all! :)